Storm tossed and wind blown

...and I am not talking about the clouds. What has been storm tossed this past year has been my faith. Kindly let me explain.....

Say we are talking about a man....dont prejudge.....who is supposed to be in a position of authority. Who is supposed to show Christ's love and kindness.

Now let us supppose this man is not American ( not usually a problem...) who has a limited verbal usage of the english language, who comes from a culture where he was not just adulated ( which he was ) but taken care of, in every sense of the word. His house was cleaned, his laundry done, his ironing ironed, his food cooked, his dishes washed and last but not least, his EVERY WORD WAS TAKEN FOR LAW AND HE WAS A SEMI-GOD.

His wishes were basically law.

Now let us suppose this man was put in a position of authourity in a place that has rarely seen a black man from Africa. A place where the Catholic faith has been the only faith for 200 years. Let us further assume this man has no respect for the faith as it has been for two centuries but also thinks we should have no church here. And yet he is the vicar of the faith......

I came back to the Catholic church only in the last few years although I have been a silent, condeming, angry member since I was a child. What I found in Hawaii was an RCIA program that explained and confirmed, not only my faith but me as a person. And a sponsor who, although crushed by a marriage that failed, supported me through the process. My marriage was con-validated and I was confirmed in the Church, putting me in full communion. Yayyyyy !!

Then I came here to the mountains. Where I expected peace and a loving church community. While there are members of this community, within this church (which is not yet but is trying hard to be a church ) who do love the Lord and want His will done and want a place where all can be free to worship Him, our dear leader does not share this view.

It has been killing me, that this person who is supposed to be my spiritual leader is such a failure when it comes to loving...not just the community but the Lord.....I am shredded and torn, like the clouds...even while knowing that it is not a person I should be watching. That I need to listen to the leading of the Spirit....and that while I fail, I need to keep looking to Him.

Oddly silent ?

To be completely honest, the odd part is, for me, normal. I have always been the round peg that doesnt fit in the square hole. Ever. The silent part is a bit out of the ordinary. Usually my mouth engages before my brain does...as one of my brilliant daughters says " mom, you have to practice using your INNER voice instead of your outer voice." I know...I do know. Not that I do it well but I do understand.

Sooooo. John has been home, come and gone. But before he left he gave me a gift...something that will stand in stead of valentines day, anniversary, birthday and Christmas gifts. You may say I have lost my mind ( really...what, after 5 teens is left ???), am crazy ( a given ) and that I am trying to replace my 5 kids, none of whom live with me ( thank you Lord ) with 5 dogs. Maybe...but the dogs dont care what I am wearing ( and are therefore never embarassed by me ) dont care what I smell like , what car I drive ( and dont want to borrow it ) , dont care who I talk to on the phone ( nor for how long, as long as the food bowls are filled ) and never, ever need to borrow money.

Yes, we have a new puppy. She is a Rottie. Same age when we got her as Stryker was but half the weight...not half the attitude. She is already trying to steal Stryker's toys and sleeping in his bed. As for him, he is smitten. I dont know about breed awareness but he seems to know she is what he is. Her name is Schatzi....sweetheart or darling in German. And she is.

I am doing the whole baby-in-the-middle-of -the-night thing again and I must say, it was easier when I was younger. Still....she will never borrow the car and just might keep Stryker on his toes ( and off mine !!).

I couldn't make this up......

Makeup....something that has been a part of my life forever. I grew up in a house with a Mother who would not, under any circumstances, leave the house without her "face" on. Now we are not talking about the kind applied with a trowel, so heavy you can't see the women underneath. No....just enough to put a bit more emphasis on her natural beauty. However, she slept in it , woke up in the morning, removed whatever was left ( most of which ended up on her pillow ) and would immediately reapply. She never, ever let water touch her face....she used some sort of greasy cream to wipe it off. Why she never had skin problems is beyond me. I leave something on my skin and by morning ( even in my late 50's ....ackkkk ) I have what is gently referred to as a blemish aka a zit!!!

Now I do realize that back in those days women took great care in how they presented themselves in public and part of that was cosmetics. Look back at pictures of Liz Taylor, with whom my mother shared a birthday, and one sees that makeup was the standard of the day, although not to the extent Hollywood embraced. Still, no woman was seen in public without her foundation, lipstick , her eyebrows groomed, mascara and probably blush and powder ( to "set" the whole thing ). Even my grandmothers adhered to this standard.

I never took it that far. I have been washing my face, morning and night, all my life and so far I dont look like an armadillo in the skin department. I am ( still sorta, though there is gray in there too ) blonde and so are my brows and lashes. For many years my makeup "routine" was basically some kind of moisture and some mascara ( you cannot see the lashes otherwise ) and some blush. I never "did" my brows until a daughter convinced me that brows frame the eyes so I kind of draw over the few sparse hairs that reside over my eyes and they look ok. I have always thought I looked funny in lipstick, hated the nasty feel of foundation and likewise with the whole powder thing.

Now I do try and cover up the dark circles and use a bit of color on the eyes ( bland basics like tan and brown...no greens or purples ), still use something to moisturize with an SPF of at least 25 and blush. However, I decided to try a foundation since these too have a sun protective factor. Ok....I found one that is described as a "mousse", something that used to involve chocolate and was eaten...not applied to hair or face. Light in texture ( the package assured me ) not cakey or heavy. Okie dokie...sold. And it is...there is hardly any difference with or without it and that is a good thing.

But things have changed. I am pretty sure that never, ever, in the history of the world, has any form of makeup come with a warning that it might, if exposed to heat, EXPLODE. I kid you not. There is a red label on the bottle which cannot be seen prior to opening, that says if you heat it ( and really, why would you do that ?) it can blow up. Seriously. Pow, bam, KABLOOY.

Not sure I will use this stuff often but I know for a fact that I will not be storing it next to the stove.