Storm tossed and wind blown

...and I am not talking about the clouds. What has been storm tossed this past year has been my faith. Kindly let me explain.....

Say we are talking about a man....dont prejudge.....who is supposed to be in a position of authority. Who is supposed to show Christ's love and kindness.

Now let us supppose this man is not American ( not usually a problem...) who has a limited verbal usage of the english language, who comes from a culture where he was not just adulated ( which he was ) but taken care of, in every sense of the word. His house was cleaned, his laundry done, his ironing ironed, his food cooked, his dishes washed and last but not least, his EVERY WORD WAS TAKEN FOR LAW AND HE WAS A SEMI-GOD.

His wishes were basically law.

Now let us suppose this man was put in a position of authourity in a place that has rarely seen a black man from Africa. A place where the Catholic faith has been the only faith for 200 years. Let us further assume this man has no respect for the faith as it has been for two centuries but also thinks we should have no church here. And yet he is the vicar of the faith......

I came back to the Catholic church only in the last few years although I have been a silent, condeming, angry member since I was a child. What I found in Hawaii was an RCIA program that explained and confirmed, not only my faith but me as a person. And a sponsor who, although crushed by a marriage that failed, supported me through the process. My marriage was con-validated and I was confirmed in the Church, putting me in full communion. Yayyyyy !!

Then I came here to the mountains. Where I expected peace and a loving church community. While there are members of this community, within this church (which is not yet but is trying hard to be a church ) who do love the Lord and want His will done and want a place where all can be free to worship Him, our dear leader does not share this view.

It has been killing me, that this person who is supposed to be my spiritual leader is such a failure when it comes to loving...not just the community but the Lord.....I am shredded and torn, like the clouds...even while knowing that it is not a person I should be watching. That I need to listen to the leading of the Spirit....and that while I fail, I need to keep looking to Him.