Processing.......or not

This has been a time of testing for me. I pretty much feel that I have and am failing. I am not processing the " events " of the last few weeks all that well.

My Dad, who had been diagnosed with cancer that was deemed treatable, died suddenly in his sleep in late July. The lady he loved very dearly ( I dont recall ever seeing him as happy as he was with Rita ) was kicked to the curb by step-sibs I have never met. I do not now, nor will I probably ever, have the urge to do so. What comes to mind is cursing them butt I am trying not to do that.

We were expecting grandkidlets # 11 and  #12. I was ( and am ) still in shock about my Dad when we got a call on 9 August that Ezra James had arrived...9 days early. I left NM on the 10th , arriving in Hawaii the same day and Joseph Paul was born the next evening....9 days late on 11 Aug.  We had 9-11 babies but I did not think on that then.  One daughter ended up in the hospital....either shocky or infected ( there was never a clear diagnosis ) without her baby ..Ezra. It was an extremely hard time for his Mom, Dad and sibs since as a newborn he could not be at the hospital ( sick people are there and he could have been infected with any number of horrid things)...and little Joseph, born 2 days later,  had swallowed meconium in utero, resulting in lung lesions, pneumonia and acidotic bloodwork.  For days he was confined to the nursery with IV's and constant heel stabs and could not be picked up. It was a blessing they were at the same hospital.

In truth, I have not processed any of this. Not any of it. John was here in NM, dealing with dogs that drove him crazy while I was gone and left to go see a car ( go, go , little GTO ) in AZ, which he did not buy, only to return and leave for Hawaii.

I have been picking up rocks since I got back to NM. Really. The back "yard" of our house has the most amazing collection of rocks I have ever seen. I think NM grows them. Mostly they are ankle breakers. They hid under snow and you only know you have found one as your ankle goes south when you are heading north. Did I mention that rocks are heavy and do not qualify as "pebbles" if they take two hands to lift them ( honey !!!! )?

I may post about the wonderful weather or the crazy dogs but the things that are weighing so heavy on my soul.....I am simply not processing quite yet.

Prayers would be greatly appreciated.