Monday, August 9, 2010

Two days and a lifetime

Two days until we go. Leaving a lifetime of sameness, moving into the unknown. At least I am.

I have never been just me, with me. I dont know who I am really without being in relation to someone else. John's wife, Tessa, Tia, Joshua, Melissa and Zechariah's mother. Keith, Jonathan, Jessica, Jonah, Elliett, Gracia, Liora and soon, Thomas John's ( we think its a he) grandmother. That is how not only I define myself but also how the world has defined me. As something to someone else. Who will I be when I am only me? I do not know. The thought of it leaves me shaken and stirred, pun intended but not a good thing.

It is a good thing the Lord is in my life again.Not to say He has not always been there; He has but I shut Him out for many years. I know He is there and I know it is true that when "I lift mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my strength", my strength does indeed come from the Lord. I can look at the mountains here in Hawaii and know it and I can do the same thing in New Mexico.

My biggest weakness (well , ok, one of many big weaknesses..) is being still in the presence of God. "Be still and know that I am God" he tells us. It is so hard for me to wait on His message to me...I am too often busy talking to Him instead of simply being still. To be my mind and heart. To listen instead of speak. Or ask, implore, beg,whimper, whine....all of the above at times.

Lord help me listen.
And be still.

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