It's a good thing she is cute

Bless her heart...she does have a sweet face. This is a good thing because sometimes I think the lights are on but nobody is home. Stryker, by comparison is an Einstein of the canine world. Is it possible for a Rottie to be blonde? If so, then Schatzi is one. Not just a blonde but a dumb one. Sweet but stupid. I know, I know...she is young, she will learn and it is just wrong to lable her as a dummy. However.....she still doesnt know her name ( of course I call her many things....Schnitzel, Saurkraut and Liverwurst among them, so maybe she is just confused ), goes potty whenever, whereever she pleases ( then runs like the dickens to the garage where she SHOULD go if she cant get outside ), has decided kleenex and toilet paper are tasty treats, loves carrying my shoes around - she doesnt eat them, just makes sure I can only ever find one shoe of any pair....

The list is long but she is undeniably sweet. Sigh. Why in the world did I think I needed another dog??? This I do know...there will be no baby Rotties from these two. Just the thought of a dozen puppies makes me shudder.

It's only money...

There came a time, several years ago, when we decided that instead of giving presents on Christmas and birthdays we would give cash. Ok...checks actually but not gifts, per se. And at that time it was a good thing to do. Some of the kids and grands lived so far away that postage on said gifts would have been as expensive as whatever we sent.

This has worked well...until now. We are coming to the end of active earning years and the grandkidlets just keep coming with no end in sight (11 and 12 are due this summer/fall). It makes me very sad to think that we won't be able to "give" the way we used to but the reality is that we can't. I guess what I fear is the resentment or anger that might be leveled at us since cash cow has been our role for so long. And this is my fault. Need something ? Call mom.

I dont know why I have enabled so many for so long. We certainly didnt depend on our parents to provide trips or gifts or clothes....they did give to our children but we were the primary providers. I feel like a miserable failure, something familiar to me as I have failed in spectacular fashion, repeatedly, as a parent.
And I dont know how to fix this....

Guess I could win a few hundred million in the lottery....too bad I dont gamble.

Has spring sprung ?

Nope.
I went to Oregon for two weeks to meet the newest grandkidlet, Jacob John Wyman. What a cutie!!! He is a little guy but strong and loud : )

I had hoped the weather there would be warmer than Angel Fire but ( rolling eyes ) they got snow. And its a "wet cold" so it feels colder than here at home even though the thermometer says otherwise.

The day I got home ( April 2nd ) I drove into a whiteout. Visibility down to a few feet and slip sliding all the way. Actually went off the road twice...grateful we left the sand bag in the back as I am sure it helped with what little traction the car had. All told we got 18-20 inches of the white stuff. Have I mentioned I am sick of snow? No? I AM SICK OF SNOW. It's not just the snow...its the ice when it partially melts and the muck when it finally does melt.

We did get the tulips and hydrangas into the ground just before the first frost and several of them have poked tenative leaves above the mulch. Then yesterday it snowed again...only 4 or 5 inches this time. Hoping they didn't freeze and die....sigh. I guess time will tell.

We dont really get "spring" as such.....we have mud season. The dogs dont mind ( either the mud or me ) but it gets tiring when there are 20 paws tracking the great outdoors inside: leaves, twigs and assorted things I cannot identify. I have never given the poms seriously short coats but this year they may look like Mexican Hairless when I am done with them. Guess I have to wait till the snow stops since I dont want Pom-cicles but once it warms up the shears are going to fly and so will the fur.

Good and bad....health

It has been a stressful few weeks. I had my carotid doppler...the good was actually watching. My own personal internal volcano, schussing through my veins. I didn't know it would be in living color...reds and yellows and oranges. Amazing. What was not so amazing was when I saw a section that was narrowed and asked if that was bad. The tech doing the test was not supposed to give me a diagnosis ( which technically he did not ) said, no it wasnt good. Sigh. At least I didnt have to wonder for the next week until I saw the doctor : I knew something was amiss. Apparently my high good cholestrol didnt cancel out the high bad.

Doc put me on a statin drug and after a few days I was walking on jello legs. Muscle weakness is one of those little signs letting you know the drug is not ok. Off the statin. Back to the doctor...and on to another statin ( I guess they have many, many varieties), this time a generic version of Lipitor. All of them have side effects that seem worse than the medical problem they address...." may cause heart attack, stroke or death...call your doctor immediately if you experience any of the above ".

Then there is the blood pressure. Which is high. Which is new to me...all my life I have had the opposite. And now , in a few weeks he wants to put me on medication for that too....assuming the other meds havent killed me first.

I will only briefly mention an emergency visit to the dentist...one of my teeth hurt so bad I thought my head was going to explode. After many more than the normal number of xrays ( I think I glowed in the dark that night ) he couldnt find anything. I mentioned I had been sick with a cold for over 3 weeks and Mr.Dentist decided it could be my sinuses pressuring the teeth. After a week on antibiotics...presto...no pain. Who knew your sinuses could make your teeth hurt?!

Add to all the above a puppy who thinks she needs to get up before dawn, not just to pee, poo and eat....but to play. I am not my most playful at 3:40 am ( that was her wake-up time today) and laying down on the couch to try and catch a few more winks of sleep is out of the question. Stryker's face and mine are at the same level when I recline on said couch and he feels the need, every 3-4 minutes, to lick my face, just to see if I am ok. Schatzi pulls on the blanket and Lady tries to get under it with me. Loki barks at nothing which sets off Bikki.

I am tired and cranky and wishing I could look forward to retirement....unfortunately women dont get to retire. There will always be cooking, cleaning, laundry and dog poop to clean up not to mention snow to shovel ( its snowing again so at least the flood is over for the time being ).

On the bright side, I am still breathing. Yay. Thank you Lord for small favors.

400 lbs later......

Not talking about my weight....

Although I am no scientist, I have figured out that gravity is not a suggestion but indeed a law. When you get 8-10 inches of snow and the temps are in the teens all is well...except for the layer of ice underneath. Even then it is bearable. However, when you get said snow and then temps in the high 40's and you live at the bottom of a driveway that is equal to a black diamond ski slope, that gravational law kicks in. The snow and ice melt.

The garage floods. It does not matter how much you dig ditches to "redirect" said melt and no matter how much you try and broom it away, there is more. Much, much more.

The dogs had a great time : wading pool/drinking water ( ack ) but me, not so much. I bought 8 - 50lb bags of sand with which to blockade my garage. The kid who loaded them into my car was thrilled. He wasnt here to unload them. I had that dubious pleasure. woo freakin' hoo.

It does seem to be working....the flood has mostly abated and what was left under the wood pile ( and I wonder why it won't light ) I absorbed with dog piddle pads. Just as well since baby girl Schatzi - she should have been named Schnitzel since she is such a little porker - seems to think they are for snacking on. Oh well.....

Unfortunately we are expecting a new snow storm on Wednesday. Who would ever have thought I would look forward to mud season also known in these parts as spring.

Storm tossed and wind blown

...and I am not talking about the clouds. What has been storm tossed this past year has been my faith. Kindly let me explain.....

Say we are talking about a man....dont prejudge.....who is supposed to be in a position of authority. Who is supposed to show Christ's love and kindness.

Now let us supppose this man is not American ( not usually a problem...) who has a limited verbal usage of the english language, who comes from a culture where he was not just adulated ( which he was ) but taken care of, in every sense of the word. His house was cleaned, his laundry done, his ironing ironed, his food cooked, his dishes washed and last but not least, his EVERY WORD WAS TAKEN FOR LAW AND HE WAS A SEMI-GOD.

His wishes were basically law.

Now let us suppose this man was put in a position of authourity in a place that has rarely seen a black man from Africa. A place where the Catholic faith has been the only faith for 200 years. Let us further assume this man has no respect for the faith as it has been for two centuries but also thinks we should have no church here. And yet he is the vicar of the faith......

I came back to the Catholic church only in the last few years although I have been a silent, condeming, angry member since I was a child. What I found in Hawaii was an RCIA program that explained and confirmed, not only my faith but me as a person. And a sponsor who, although crushed by a marriage that failed, supported me through the process. My marriage was con-validated and I was confirmed in the Church, putting me in full communion. Yayyyyy !!

Then I came here to the mountains. Where I expected peace and a loving church community. While there are members of this community, within this church (which is not yet but is trying hard to be a church ) who do love the Lord and want His will done and want a place where all can be free to worship Him, our dear leader does not share this view.

It has been killing me, that this person who is supposed to be my spiritual leader is such a failure when it comes to loving...not just the community but the Lord.....I am shredded and torn, like the clouds...even while knowing that it is not a person I should be watching. That I need to listen to the leading of the Spirit....and that while I fail, I need to keep looking to Him.

Oddly silent ?

To be completely honest, the odd part is, for me, normal. I have always been the round peg that doesnt fit in the square hole. Ever. The silent part is a bit out of the ordinary. Usually my mouth engages before my brain does...as one of my brilliant daughters says " mom, you have to practice using your INNER voice instead of your outer voice." I know...I do know. Not that I do it well but I do understand.

Sooooo. John has been home, come and gone. But before he left he gave me a gift...something that will stand in stead of valentines day, anniversary, birthday and Christmas gifts. You may say I have lost my mind ( really...what, after 5 teens is left ???), am crazy ( a given ) and that I am trying to replace my 5 kids, none of whom live with me ( thank you Lord ) with 5 dogs. Maybe...but the dogs dont care what I am wearing ( and are therefore never embarassed by me ) dont care what I smell like , what car I drive ( and dont want to borrow it ) , dont care who I talk to on the phone ( nor for how long, as long as the food bowls are filled ) and never, ever need to borrow money.

Yes, we have a new puppy. She is a Rottie. Same age when we got her as Stryker was but half the weight...not half the attitude. She is already trying to steal Stryker's toys and sleeping in his bed. As for him, he is smitten. I dont know about breed awareness but he seems to know she is what he is. Her name is Schatzi....sweetheart or darling in German. And she is.

I am doing the whole baby-in-the-middle-of -the-night thing again and I must say, it was easier when I was younger. Still....she will never borrow the car and just might keep Stryker on his toes ( and off mine !!).