Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The bottom of the bowl

I almost feel that yesterday was a fluke. Last night was a bad one....bad dreams and very little sleep. And those clouds that covered the valley yesterday are overhead now....weeping big fat tears that echo my heart.

I started today on my knees today too. Asking Him to simply get through the day. With John gone I feel dismembered. It is more than just mental. Though I have checked and all my body parts are there I am physically imcomplete. What I think about now is the time we spent not getting along while he was here....and how sorry I am that I dont always submit or even agree with him. I dont know if he knows how important he is to me. He makes me whole and complete, even in the times that are hard. Which is not to say when he comes back I will be perfect....I know I wont but hopefully I will remember these times without him and my gratitude will outweigh any disagreement.

I am missing my grandkids too....they all seem to have changed in the short time that I have been away. Will they remember me? Will I still be important to them?

The rain is pouring and raindrops, like teardrops, are all around me and inside me. Is it possible to have a beating heart when it has an enormous hole in it?

Please pray for me.

1 comment:

  1. oh mama, we miss you too. more than words can convey. i'm really hoping we can get out there in january!