John has gone back to Hawaii. The drive home from Albuquerque I was numb. I would say brain dead but I managed to make it back to the house. No workers were here, for which I was grateful, and the dogs were very glad to see me. I worried about whether the key would give me problems - it can be stubborn at times - but it turns out the front door was unlocked so the key wasnt an issue. I didnt know whether to be afraid or simply relieved.
I reached out a foot at 3am and my brain snapped awake with the knowledge that he has gone and was not there in the bed. That for the first time in our married life we have chosen to live separate lives...at least some of the time. While I do love this new house and the beauty that surrounds me, it is so much change at one time that I am not mentally "here". I dont know where I am.....
If this is the new normal, its a very quiet normal ( the dogs are great company and while they are not great conversationalists, they listen attentively : )
Fortunately, there is much to keep me busy.....a few boxes left to unpack, cleaning to be done, some digging, planting and potting ...and the ever present ironing. How I manage to be behind in ironing, always and everywhere, baffles me since we rarely wear clothes in this neck of the woods that require that sort of attention. It is one of the definate banes of my existence. I guess I should pray that the wrinkled look becomes fashionable....on clothes that is.