Good new and bad news

I think my pity party is over and (oh joy) I have other things to concentrate on. We received word that our household goods have arrived in the state. The good news is that it will be delivered on Thursday. The bad news is that it will be delivered on Thursday. I have visions of living with boxes for the next several months and am wondering why in the world I packed and sent so much. I keep thinking I should have simply shipped the couches and coffee tables and dumped the rest. Couldnt sleep last night thinking about what is to come. Oh well...maybe it wont be that bad??

Missing you......

When I left Hawaii, I was told by many how much I would be missed. Apparently not. I am the one to make the calls , trying to contact those whom I love and are supposedly missing me. Or not. I am tired of trying to contact "them" since "they" dont 1) pick up their phones and 2) dont bother to call back....
Oh well....so much for being missed.
Perhaps I should just let my phone die, not answer my email and say enough is enough. I am not needed and will not get those calls.

The Blinking Light

There are no street lights here in Angel Fire and there are no stop lights either. When you enter Moreno Valley, either from Taos Canyon or coming from Cimmaron and head for Angel Fire you eventually come to a blinking yellow light. This marks the intersection with Highway 64 (the direction you head to get here) and is the only traffic signal for at least 20 miles in any direction. I am such a ditz....from the back deck you can see a red blinking light....and it took me a couple of days to figure out that the back-side of the yellow light is ...duh...red.
We actually heard a siren a few days ago and its so rare up here that the dogs didnt do their usual 4-part harmony in howl.
It is quiet. Very very quiet.
Oh well....if it gets too quiet I can turn on the TV ...yes folks , we have TV now : )
Woohoo , just like city livin'!!
Not.

The wildlife is very welcoming....

We arrived here in Angel Fire Thursday evening with all 4 dogs still panting ( for which I am very grateful ). The first evening we saw a bear about 150 yds away, near the house next door. Saturday afternoon I saw a mule deer on the side of the road that leads to ours - church here is on Saturday for me as there isn't enough Pastor to go around (my new Pastor, Fr. Emmanuel, has 4 churchs he attends to and does services for). That evening I started to go out onto the deck and heard claws clacking on the wood. It was an adolescent racoon helping itself to the birdseed. It didnt seem frightened but is camera shy...when I tried to take a picture it left for the evening (John feels sure we will see it again : ) I would be ok with not seeing bear up close and personal.

We are making progress in getting settled. Got a P.O. Box and a checking account started and then found out the only grocery store in town no longer takes checks : ( Oh well, I am pretty sure I can find somewhere else to use them, ha ha. We tried to get the car registered but found out you need every form of ID ever issued to you, starting at birth, literally. After that it gets complicated. Same thing with driver's licensing....oh joy.

This is the first time I have been on the 'puter since we got here....I developed the coughin' crud that was going around Hawaii right before we left and have been feeling like someone mopped the floor with my brain. Promise to check email soon.

If it weren't so beautiful here I might be missing Hawaii more. A little more oxygen would be nice though.

Two days and a lifetime

Two days until we go. Leaving a lifetime of sameness, moving into the unknown. At least I am.

I have never been just me, with me. I dont know who I am really without being in relation to someone else. John's wife, Tessa, Tia, Joshua, Melissa and Zechariah's mother. Keith, Jonathan, Jessica, Jonah, Elliett, Gracia, Liora and soon, Thomas John's ( we think its a he) grandmother. That is how not only I define myself but also how the world has defined me. As something to someone else. Who will I be when I am only me? I do not know. The thought of it leaves me shaken and stirred, pun intended but not a good thing.

It is a good thing the Lord is in my life again.Not to say He has not always been there; He has but I shut Him out for many years. I know He is there and I know it is true that when "I lift mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my strength", my strength does indeed come from the Lord. I can look at the mountains here in Hawaii and know it and I can do the same thing in New Mexico.

My biggest weakness (well , ok, one of many big weaknesses..) is being still in the presence of God. "Be still and know that I am God" he tells us. It is so hard for me to wait on His message to me...I am too often busy talking to Him instead of simply being still. To be still....in my mind and heart. To listen instead of speak. Or ask, implore, beg,whimper, whine....all of the above at times.

Lord help me listen.
And be still.

Doctors....the good, the bad and at this age, its ugly

I thought it would be a wise thing...to see the various doctors I see, prior to leaving the state and being, at least for the moment, without any care givers in the health department. So....three doctors in two days and I am painfully glad to be finished.
Eyes, expensive little buggers ( John will no doubt be thrilled to learn my prescription has changed and I needed new glasses!). They promised that the new eyewear would be ready before we leave but guess what ? Nope, isnt going to happen. I am, needless to say, thrilled. Especially since we do not have a post office box so they cannot be mailed when they do come in. Oh joy.
Then yesterday was my internist, nice lady and about as warm as a fish. Literally. Her hands are like ice. She had a good time pushing around on my ab scar, which is always a fun thing. And great news...when I asked how long it was going to take for the pain to stop when I try to lift something, she said it probably never would. This is the new normal. Kinda ticks me off because I hate feeling like I have to be careful every time I lift something heavier than a kleenex tissue.
Immediately after this I saw my Gyn doc, which technically, I have absolutely need for. He too had a grand time shoving the scar tissue around and doing other things which shall remain unsaid. Fortunately he found nothing new or exciting and that is a blessing.
Today I feel as though I have been hit by a sledgehammer in the belly (the bad)...and am glad I only have to do this once a year (the good). Probably wont get any better as I get older (the ugly)

The more things change, the more they really do stay the same

For the most part I am ready to go...except for the random little things (my recipe box ...are you kidding me?!) that I am now in the process of sending to Tessa. I can pick it up on the way to New Mexico. We are flying into Denver as that is the easiest on the dogs , only one flight and not several , even though it is long, then driving down to NM. Denver is only about an hour north of Tess in the Springs and on the way "home" so we will pick up all the almost forgotten treasures then drive on.
So....
It is harder by a long shot to stop feeling possessive of this house than it is to move my stuff out of it. And protective ...."dont bang the walls, dont drop food on the floor, dont leave the water running " and on and on. I wasnt always this way....for many years we didn't have "nice" furniture or breakables or "dont touch-ables only look-ables". We had kids and the kids ( and many friends ) LIVED here. Which is not to say it wasnt clean or neat...just not off limits. And its a hard habit to break, this constant correcting, once you've acquired it.
That said, its time to let go.
Its not really my house any more and that is fine. I am grateful its family that is going to live here and I am grateful that I have had these weeks...the stripping of the walls, emptying of closets and getting rid of garbage. Its been a good thing to go through this process over a period of weeks, months...but I am ready for it to be done.
I am grateful this house will be full again of children's laughter ( and no doubt tears too ; comes with the territory ) and that maybe in the future I can visit and see how the blank canvas has been repainted - literally : )
Change within the sameness....movin' on.