There are Big Girls ( fauna wise ) then there are BIGGGGG GIRLS

Once again yesterday evening I took the dogs for their evening stroll. And once again we saw some "wildlife" except this time the girl ( doe, cow or whatever you call a female elk ) was just a bit bigger. Had I stood next to her, which I almost did, her booty would have come up to my chest. A bigggggg girl. She did not hop nor did she run....she looked at the 4 poms, I am pretty sure she smirked, and she sauntered off. Mind you the poms were ready to go in full pursuit mode which again I thwarted but this was a large target. She was medium brown with a white booty (ok so maybe she was just another type of deer that doesnt hop...like I would know...um , not ) but I am always suprised when I see what lives 20ft from the house.

I also found a shotgun shell when we were walking. We are within the township limits ( similar to city limits but wayyyyyy smaller ) and there is NO hunting here. Certainly not on my property. I am of a mind to post a sign that says "Bears, racoons, elk, deer, squirrels, chipmunks and birds on this property will not shoot back but I WILL....TRESSPASSERS WILL BE SHOT , SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN". This may not sit well with the village fathers ( or mothers, brothers and sisters....) but too bad.

Off again, on again....opps, off AGAIN *sigh*

I am talking about electricity.

In Hawaii, it is to be expected that at any given time, no rain, no wind that suddenly you have no power. After 40 years its nothing new. For the most part, the power lines are above ground...which makes for lovely vistas....mountains - power lines and poles. Ocean? Also power lines and poles. On the south side of the island of Oahu it is very exciting in high winds and big storms since the last time we had those conditions, 18 poles went down on the one and only access road into the area. Fun, fun, fun. Not.

Even in areas that are "progressive" like Mililani, where the lines are supposed to be underground it can be exciting. Why you ask? Welllll....when an underground line goes out HECO (Hawaiian Electric Co ) and HawTel (Hawaiian Telephone...the only local provider of telephone service ) both run the lines up the streetlights, tie them off and leave them for years. Never mind its against the township codes for above ground lines. Then fun things happen....one of the light poles, corroded by years of neglect and rust, fell on Tia and Dave's truck a few years back. Does that change things ...absolutely NOT.

So when we moved to the mainland I was thrilled thinking the power would be more stable. Hahahahahahaha. Wrong.

Yesterday, for the first time in literally weeks, I decided to cook. Got a small roast started in the crockpot...woohoo, home cookin'!! Lookin' good, smellin' good...and poof. No power. Ok...no problem thinks me to myself..I will put it on the stove, since it is gas. Wrong. Apparently the stove ( actually propane and not gas ) has an electric starter. Oh joy. No cooking that way.

Called the power company...yup, its out and the operator, who tells me she has 30 calls on hold, asks " are you in Angel Fire" ....yes I say, and she says " yes there is an outage " and hangs up on me ( I had called on the cell phone since the land line uses...you guessed it....electricity). Wow. At least in Hawaii they will tell you what areas have outages and when estimated repairs will be made.

Ok....so eventually the power does come back on and by 9pm the meat was done even though the potatos and carrots were still crunchy. Edible...both the dogs and I were thrilled ( ok, I was thrilled , the dogs were ambivalent but hungry...they are cute but very discriminating when it comes to food ) and we ate.

So off to bed. For some reason the master bedroom is hot, even in 40 degree weather , with the window open and the fan going. The master bath, which is attached, is COLD. Frozen buns is what you get when you sit on the throne, no matter how warm the bedroom is. What woke me was the fan going off...and the night light being dark. "Sigh"....and "bigger sigh".

Eventually ...with both the dogs and me panting...it did come back on. Here again, no wind, no rain and here the lines are actually underground. Makes ya wonder, doesnt it?

Good thing I have lots of candles.

Changes in mind and body

While the changes in my moods have been pretty obvious ( can we say "roller coaster" emotionally ?) there are changes in the body too.

For many years I had my nails done professionally and they were lovely. I knew before we came up here that there would be no place to have this done and in this climate they break constantly so I took them off. The good side of that is the price....none. The bad is that I am an inveterate cuticle biter....I bite them until they bleed. I didnt do that while they looked good but its an old habit that resurfaced immediately. Up here, they also crack and bleed on their own. Not cute.

Then there is the lizard lip thing....no moisture means you lick your lips, which instead of adding moisture, dries them out. It doesnt matter how often you put lip slime on them either. Also not cute. Did I mention along with lizard lips you also get alligator skin? Ackkkk.....

Won't John be suprised???

Bounding deer and a shoe in my sock

I have been taking the dogs walking daily, unless its stormy. Two days passed with either thunderstorms or pouring rain so by yesterday the dogs were more than ready for their daily sojourn into the woods.

We hadnt been walking long when it felt like I had a rock in my shoe....no time then to stop and get it out...just shake the foot and keep moving. It seems like I am always the last to see whatever wildlife is out there...the dogs are wayyyy ahead of me on that score.

Lady, who is never the lead dog in the pack started straining to get ahead of me (huh?) When I looked up not 20ft in front of us was a female mule deer...a big girl. By this time the rest of the crew had seen her too and she took off like a shot...not running mind you but bouncing, all four feet off the ground and gone. I stood there in shock for a minute : who would think a deer could hop?? The dogs investigated every hoof print and were more than ready to give chase but I still feel like they are out of their league when it comes to chasing game that weighs hundreds of pounds more than they do,so we turned for home. ( The "rock " in my shoe was getting a bit uncomfortable by then, so it was a good excuse to end the walk ).

Back to the house, off with the shoe and ...no rock. Hmmmm. Ok off with the socks and what fell out was a shoe. There are teeny-tiny Barbie dolls that Bella and Ellie love...and they come with even teeny-tinier shoes. For the most part ( choking hazard doncha know ) the shoes always get tossed in the garbage. Not just because of the choking issue but because when you step on them barefoot it hurts like the devil. How this one made it into my sock and all the way across the country is beyond me. But I am not tossing this one....it brings my girls to mind so I will keep it, just not in my socks.

Ding dong...its WHO calling ?

Me.

You have to be rather ancient to recall...that it used to be a woman , in a pillbox hat and suit with her little bag and the commercial literally was...."DINGDONG its AVON calling". And yes I did sign up to sell it today. ( Are you kidding me?) Nope. I did it. Why you might ask. Well, when it comes to makeup or skin care or body care, here in Angel Fire its a joke. There is one of those 5ft tall twirly thingys by the cash register in the only grocery store in town with 5 yr old mascara on it...or nothing.

Mostly I did it so I could have access to what I use...and thought it might be a good idea for other women in this valley who are without any access to goodies unless they drive almost an hour. I dont want to really "sell" but I do buy (thank you Lisa : ) and I will probably be my own best customer. It also seems like a good way to meet other women ( Tia says it might be His way of getting me out of the house and into the community....)

But seriously....ME selling soap?
Yep...looks like it.

PostScript

Although the exterior rain continues, the interior has stopped. I needed to go back to my roots... and since I cannot " look unto the hills, from whence cometh my strength" as they are covered in gray falling water, I can and did look to His Word.

It isnt as though I play " let the Bible open where it may" but I had no certain scripture in mind when I opened the little New Testament I have.

Romans, Chapter 8, verses 5 - 10.

It is when I focus on the physical that I feel loss....when I am in His spirit, I can not only function but live. With Him, I can bear all things.

And the question is never am I blessed, it is instead, how can I be a blessing.
Praying I am quiet enough to hear His leading.


He says " be still and know that I AM "
It is a hard thing for a noisy human.

The bottom of the bowl

I almost feel that yesterday was a fluke. Last night was a bad one....bad dreams and very little sleep. And those clouds that covered the valley yesterday are overhead now....weeping big fat tears that echo my heart.

I started today on my knees today too. Asking Him to simply get through the day. With John gone I feel dismembered. It is more than just mental. Though I have checked and all my body parts are there I am physically imcomplete. What I think about now is the time we spent not getting along while he was here....and how sorry I am that I dont always submit or even agree with him. I dont know if he knows how important he is to me. He makes me whole and complete, even in the times that are hard. Which is not to say when he comes back I will be perfect....I know I wont but hopefully I will remember these times without him and my gratitude will outweigh any disagreement.

I am missing my grandkids too....they all seem to have changed in the short time that I have been away. Will they remember me? Will I still be important to them?

The rain is pouring and raindrops, like teardrops, are all around me and inside me. Is it possible to have a beating heart when it has an enormous hole in it?

Please pray for me.