Storm tossed and wind blown

...and I am not talking about the clouds. What has been storm tossed this past year has been my faith. Kindly let me explain.....

Say we are talking about a man....dont prejudge.....who is supposed to be in a position of authority. Who is supposed to show Christ's love and kindness.

Now let us supppose this man is not American ( not usually a problem...) who has a limited verbal usage of the english language, who comes from a culture where he was not just adulated ( which he was ) but taken care of, in every sense of the word. His house was cleaned, his laundry done, his ironing ironed, his food cooked, his dishes washed and last but not least, his EVERY WORD WAS TAKEN FOR LAW AND HE WAS A SEMI-GOD.

His wishes were basically law.

Now let us suppose this man was put in a position of authourity in a place that has rarely seen a black man from Africa. A place where the Catholic faith has been the only faith for 200 years. Let us further assume this man has no respect for the faith as it has been for two centuries but also thinks we should have no church here. And yet he is the vicar of the faith......

I came back to the Catholic church only in the last few years although I have been a silent, condeming, angry member since I was a child. What I found in Hawaii was an RCIA program that explained and confirmed, not only my faith but me as a person. And a sponsor who, although crushed by a marriage that failed, supported me through the process. My marriage was con-validated and I was confirmed in the Church, putting me in full communion. Yayyyyy !!

Then I came here to the mountains. Where I expected peace and a loving church community. While there are members of this community, within this church (which is not yet but is trying hard to be a church ) who do love the Lord and want His will done and want a place where all can be free to worship Him, our dear leader does not share this view.

It has been killing me, that this person who is supposed to be my spiritual leader is such a failure when it comes to loving...not just the community but the Lord.....I am shredded and torn, like the clouds...even while knowing that it is not a person I should be watching. That I need to listen to the leading of the Spirit....and that while I fail, I need to keep looking to Him.

Oddly silent ?

To be completely honest, the odd part is, for me, normal. I have always been the round peg that doesnt fit in the square hole. Ever. The silent part is a bit out of the ordinary. Usually my mouth engages before my brain does...as one of my brilliant daughters says " mom, you have to practice using your INNER voice instead of your outer voice." I know...I do know. Not that I do it well but I do understand.

Sooooo. John has been home, come and gone. But before he left he gave me a gift...something that will stand in stead of valentines day, anniversary, birthday and Christmas gifts. You may say I have lost my mind ( really...what, after 5 teens is left ???), am crazy ( a given ) and that I am trying to replace my 5 kids, none of whom live with me ( thank you Lord ) with 5 dogs. Maybe...but the dogs dont care what I am wearing ( and are therefore never embarassed by me ) dont care what I smell like , what car I drive ( and dont want to borrow it ) , dont care who I talk to on the phone ( nor for how long, as long as the food bowls are filled ) and never, ever need to borrow money.

Yes, we have a new puppy. She is a Rottie. Same age when we got her as Stryker was but half the weight...not half the attitude. She is already trying to steal Stryker's toys and sleeping in his bed. As for him, he is smitten. I dont know about breed awareness but he seems to know she is what he is. Her name is Schatzi....sweetheart or darling in German. And she is.

I am doing the whole baby-in-the-middle-of -the-night thing again and I must say, it was easier when I was younger. Still....she will never borrow the car and just might keep Stryker on his toes ( and off mine !!).

I couldn't make this up......

Makeup....something that has been a part of my life forever. I grew up in a house with a Mother who would not, under any circumstances, leave the house without her "face" on. Now we are not talking about the kind applied with a trowel, so heavy you can't see the women underneath. No....just enough to put a bit more emphasis on her natural beauty. However, she slept in it , woke up in the morning, removed whatever was left ( most of which ended up on her pillow ) and would immediately reapply. She never, ever let water touch her face....she used some sort of greasy cream to wipe it off. Why she never had skin problems is beyond me. I leave something on my skin and by morning ( even in my late 50's ....ackkkk ) I have what is gently referred to as a blemish aka a zit!!!

Now I do realize that back in those days women took great care in how they presented themselves in public and part of that was cosmetics. Look back at pictures of Liz Taylor, with whom my mother shared a birthday, and one sees that makeup was the standard of the day, although not to the extent Hollywood embraced. Still, no woman was seen in public without her foundation, lipstick , her eyebrows groomed, mascara and probably blush and powder ( to "set" the whole thing ). Even my grandmothers adhered to this standard.

I never took it that far. I have been washing my face, morning and night, all my life and so far I dont look like an armadillo in the skin department. I am ( still sorta, though there is gray in there too ) blonde and so are my brows and lashes. For many years my makeup "routine" was basically some kind of moisture and some mascara ( you cannot see the lashes otherwise ) and some blush. I never "did" my brows until a daughter convinced me that brows frame the eyes so I kind of draw over the few sparse hairs that reside over my eyes and they look ok. I have always thought I looked funny in lipstick, hated the nasty feel of foundation and likewise with the whole powder thing.

Now I do try and cover up the dark circles and use a bit of color on the eyes ( bland basics like tan and brown...no greens or purples ), still use something to moisturize with an SPF of at least 25 and blush. However, I decided to try a foundation since these too have a sun protective factor. Ok....I found one that is described as a "mousse", something that used to involve chocolate and was eaten...not applied to hair or face. Light in texture ( the package assured me ) not cakey or heavy. Okie dokie...sold. And it is...there is hardly any difference with or without it and that is a good thing.

But things have changed. I am pretty sure that never, ever, in the history of the world, has any form of makeup come with a warning that it might, if exposed to heat, EXPLODE. I kid you not. There is a red label on the bottle which cannot be seen prior to opening, that says if you heat it ( and really, why would you do that ?) it can blow up. Seriously. Pow, bam, KABLOOY.

Not sure I will use this stuff often but I know for a fact that I will not be storing it next to the stove.

The "big nasty" took three hours.....

Don't know where your head went but I am talking about doing the floors in this house. They are the" big nasty" here. I have vacuumed more than once since the herd left after the holidays and swiffered twice weekly. That means I have gotten the dust mastadons out from under the big pieces of furniture. However, comma, I had not mopped. After all these years ( and I am talking almost 40 years ) I still hate mopping. But there comes a time, even before John returns, that I cannot stand the stuff that is still stuck on the floor. I had hoped, when I was young, that there would come a time when a maid ( like the one on the "Jetsons"...completely mobile and very computerized ) would do this.

Ha ha. Well...it is still just me. I am pretty sure that John has never....ok almost never....mopped a floor. At this age, I am sooooo tired of it. Not that I do it that often, it is just that I still HATE IT. That being said, I hate having my shoes ( one does not go barefoot here unless one wants to experience frostbite ) stick to the floor.

The good thing about this new house is that most of the floors are not carpeted. Some is slate...good and bad : the good is that slate does not show dirt...the bad is that even after mopping they look the same as before you mopped.

I found half calcified cookies...no telling what they were prior to dropping under the sofa...the bad is that the dogs never found them. Not that they would have eaten them as they had no interest in the flour and butter left on same floor from making perroggis (sp?). That is now gone. Good I guess. Or not. I also vacuumed and mopped up half a ton of glitter ( apparently the Chinese, who now make all of our Christmas stuff thinks everything must be covered in same ). I have found glitter in pots and pans and under all the furniture. Oh joy.

I will mop again before John comes home next Monday and no telling what I will find. Hopefully no more flour or glitter....but I have my doubts.

If I had an Indian name....

It would be "stupid white woman who can kill any fire". It's not that I dont try. I have been counseled by many, many people. I know how to lay the wood, placing it just so with the small stuff on the bottom and the bigger wood above, put paper and/or cardboard under it, make sure there is enough room between all of it to draft up the chimney. Make sure the flu is open. All of these things I do, faithfully. That being said, the fires never want to catch. A bit of flame then nothing. Poke and prod with stoker, a bit of flame then nothing. Move logs around...same bit of flame then nothing.

I know if I had to count on fire for warmth I would freeze to death and if I had to cook with it the food would be au natural ( aka raw ). I eventually do get the flames going and then I dont let it die. John wonders how I can go through so much wood but once I get it going, there is no way I am going to let it die.

The really pitiful part of this whole thing is that there is a propane starter inside the fireplace and one would think that should make it easier. I dont know why it doesnt but all the situations above include the use of said starter. Maybe I should forget the wood and just enjoy the gas flames.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens....

Ok, neither of those are my "favorite things" and neither is visiting the doctor to " get results of blood tests". Not that wet roses or kitten whiskers are bad things and neither is getting results of tests I already knew I didnt pass with flying colors . I knew my bad cholesterol was high and so was my good. That, in my mind, should somehow have balanced out and, teeter-totter style, have been okie dokie. No?

Apparently not. Next week I get to go get a doppler on my carotid (?)...sounds new age but it's more about old age and I am a bit less than thrilled. If the doc isn't happy with the results he is going to put me on "meds".

Now I may be old(er) but I am not stupid. I watch TV and I KNOW what the side effects of " meds " are. Do you have dry eyes? Well, we have "meds" for that however you may experience dry mouth, dry skin, your eyeballs may explode, you might wet/poop your pants ( especially if your "pipes leak " ) you may experience flatulence, nausea, vomiting or you might DIE! Personally, I think I will stick with dry eyes. Not that any "meds" they might put me on would have such insignifigant side effects...nay, nay...these would be worse! I guess not as bad as the men's meds where you have to sit in a tub of cold water on a cliff waiting for 4 hours and getting pruney....all things considered, I guess it could be worse. Still.....

I am happy to say I do like the doctor I have I just would prefer not to be any more medicated than I am ...Lunesta, the iron butterfly that knocks the crap out of your brain and lets you sleep more than three hours, is the only prescription drug I am on and I am fine with that. Sleep is highly overrated but it is a good thing to get some every night and I am happy to say that it does help . That being said, it should be an interesting visit next week since I am just a tad resistant to new "meds". If my eyes explode you will all know why.

Trying "new" things in the New Year.....sigh

Everyone who has seen the master bathroom here has commented on the "view" from the tub. "How gorgeous...how amazing". Uh huh. Not being one who "bathes" frequently ( I do shower daily but have always felt that taking a bath amounts to sitting in one's own filth ) I have avoided filling the tub and soaking. Ack.
Yes, I know, Calgon has been extolling the virtues of doing just that for decades, with lit candles and an aura of relaxation that soothes ones mind and body.

Horsefeathers!!!

All the dogs wanted in on the action, with Stryker being the only one who actually tried to join in said "fun". Just keeping him out of the water was a chore. When I finally did make it into the water I hit the jacuzzi jets. Blast to the face since the water was not deep enough. Filled it a bit more and still got a blast..apparently you have to have the tub almost drowning deep to keep that from happening. Oh joy.

As to the "view", unless you are over 7 ft tall all you see is sky and that is in the 40 seconds before the window steams up.

Nothing has changed regarding my opinion of the luxurious bath...forget the candles ( Stryker would either eat them or start a fire trying to find out what they are )...and forget feeling clean ( although my face was spotless ) as I took a shower immediately after since I did not feel very fresh.

It is a great place to defrost frozen turkeys...and you can do several at once. Not a total waste of space, right?